Sooo, how are things? Mhmm, mhmm, oh that's neat. Go on, yeah, yeah? Really? Huh, never woulda thought. Good for you, glad things are turning out that way. Me? Oh, you know, same old same old, still alive and still making colours and stuff, I live a pretty consistent life but I'm mostly content. Only mostly? Oh, yeah, well, I figure I could be better at some things I do and I wouldn't mind if I was better at friending and/or staying in contact with people, but those things aside I'm pretty happy with who I am and the people in my life which is all that really matters, right? Yeah, I think so too. The things I want to improve on? Oh nothing really important, just creative type stuffs that I haven't been making a big effort to work on, probably 'cause I've been working a lot and don't have a lot of alone time. Nah, it's not that big of a deal, I just tend to be more open and creative when alone, I find it hard to really let loose when there are other people around. I think I might be unconsciously choosing to avoid interfering with whatever they're doing by being quiet and out of the way, so I kind of turtle into my own little world. It involves a lot of wearing headphones and not-talking, this little world of mine, but it's a place of my choosing where I can escape from people. Nothing against my roomy and his dog, they're great, but I'm a super introvert and would happily live alone if it was a feasible option for various reasons. I feel far less confined when no one's around, inhibitions just fly out the window, there's much more grooving and singing and playing things at a not-headphones level of sound...I mean, it's not constant, but the likelihood of those things occuring is increased quite drastically. Being less inhibited tends to get more things done, just in general, I seem to be struck with inspiration and motivation more frequently when I'm by myself. You know how the really extraverted people tend to not know the difference between being alone and being lonely? I'm super the opposite of that, I rarely if never feel lonely by myself but it has occasionally happened when I'm with a group of people. I bet some people can't even fathom that idea, being lonely while with a bunch of people. Granted, that only really happens if it's a group I'm either not very familiar with or don't know at all, but it's not exactly a common occurance (possibly because I don't actually go out much if at all, but that's another topic for another day). I've officially lived alone for like less than two months, during which I was working six days a week 'cause a coworked had left for a rial company and we had literally no time to replace him (it took like 3 months, plus then training that person, I was working 6 days a week for a solid 4-5 months, I got very tired), so I haven't really had time to just be in a place by myself when not tired constantly. Actually, as it so happens, for like a month starting in September I'll be living alone (with a dog, so only sort of alone) because of a certain Brostralia trip that's happening, so I guess I'll have a decent chance to see what the solo life's like...hopefully, we may also be looking for/hiring a new person to train around then, so I may again be doing the six days a week thing. I know it's not really a tough job and it's been pretty slow lately, but it's still working retail and people suck (in general as a broad statement) so stress levels get pretty high... especially if there's a big sale in the middle of it (which means we'd also be open on sundays, so that's rotating 13 days straight for us [we trade off so that we don't actually go insane]) and september seems like the time when the company might spring another one on us.
Unrelated, you know how life is hard sometimes? Yeah, sure is... Actually I had nowhere to go with that statment, my life isn't that hard currently. I've got relatively few expenses, I'm in relatively good health (I think, I haven't had any issues that I'm aware of... I should probably get a check up at some point), I sleep fine more often than not, I've got people in my life that care about me which is swell, other good things that I can't think of right this second. So yeah, life's treating me alright for some reason. I have no idea why though... I mean, I like to think of myself as a nice person and treat people well, I'm fairly certain I could be classified as generous and helpful, so I've got that stuff going for me, but there's a part of me that feels like I haven't earned what I've got. I don't really think that, but there's a small nagging doubt about it, kinda like how I've got this small part of me that's all like "What if I'm actually super dumb and people are just humouring me?" I guess nagging doubts are just part of a human experience, and they probably don't really mean much, but if I weren't as cheerful and jovial as I am already I'm pretty sure I'd just be sad and guilt-ridden constantly. Granted, eliminate the cheer and joy out of most people and you'll probably end up with sadness incarnate or just straight raw fury, so I guess that's kind of a moot point. Bummers aside, I think it could be worth it to explore these nagging doubts at least enough to find evidence against them so they can freakin' shut their dern mouths. Silly little brain mouths all spouting garbage and trying to make you feel bad for no reason. Ugh. Regardless, not now, maybe elsewhen.
Have I mentioned recently that I love the term "elsewhen?" It basically just means "later" in most contexts because time (as we experience it) is linear, but nobody uses it. It's like "elsewhere" but for time. I'm the only person I know that actively uses it, which is fun. Added perk of nearly everyone immediately understanding it because it's so similar to a fairly common word.
That seemed like something I've said before. I mean, I know I say that to people fairly regularly, but I'm having a reasonable amount of deja vu involving typing it. I've probably put it in the blog at some point, but since when have I been one to go back and look at things I've written before? Basically never, that's when...except maybe for some stories I never finished. Continuity's important for good longterm story telling, yo. Barring those exceptions that may very well never see the light of...internet... I rarely if never look back to prior posts, especially for these rambly type ones, kinda defeats the purpose of rambling, don't it? Rambling AND fact checking? Bah! Ain't nobody got time for that! Heck, I barely fact check in real life, I just say things with confidence and people believe me more often than not. Granted, I rarely talk in such ways without actually knowing, and people can basically look up anything anywhere thanks to phones and internet. It's kinda crazy how powerful these tiny computers have become, sitting in our pocket is more computing power than was even available like 15 years in desktop PCs, and while this is probably common knowledge it kind of blows my mind a little every time I think about it. The pace at which technology is proceeding is...well it's very quick. So quick that I'm a touch leery about where technology's going to end up, because one of the next big milestones for it is physical integration. This could go all sorts of ways, both good and bad, being anywhere from restoring people's lost appendages with tech that you can actively feel with and control with your brain (good) or so heavily integrated that theoretically people could be controlled to do things they otherwise wouldn't (bad). It's still all very up in the air, and I'm not really gonna swing one way or the other, the technology itself is not inherently good or evil, it's what you do with it that matters. I'm just an advocate for seeing things from multiple points of view, don't take one person's ideas and opinions to be the be-all end-all for your own.
Super unrelated: I get a decent chunk of comments at work about how, when hammering paint lids on with a rubber mallet, it must be a good way to vent frustration to do that. This is utter and complete bullhonkey, if I were venting anger/frustation on the paint lids I'd have broken a lot more paint cans. I'm hitting these lids with very, VERY controlled strikes in order to minimize unnecessary effort and get them on quickly. I'm a pretty large guy, if I were to take the mallets and swing with large force things would probably not end well. So yeah, definitely not exerting my full force on these cans.
Anywho, I got busy at like 4:30 and now I'm just wrapping it up at home base.
Cheers!
~Cam
