Reasoning:
- If I haven't seen, heard from, or have an active interest in someone, it's very unlikely that I'll initiate any sort of conversation with them.
- After a bunch of self analysis, I've determined that there is a high chance that I'm more self centered than I realize. And self-centeredness does not a good friend make.
Well, I guess that's less than I was thinking I would write, but still, enough to make me a seriously lacklustre friend in long term senses.
This isn't to say I'm a terrible friend, 'cause I'm pretty sure I'm not, I just am really bad at keeping in contact with people. And I'm extremely loyal, so I'm pretty sure if any of the people who I once referred to as good friends were to ask anything of me I'd do it....situation dependant of course.
Man, I need to stop feeling sad and sorry for myself and crap, I've never enjoyed it and it generally leads to more self-destructive criticism. That's one of the things about me, I'm my own worst critic, I don't really care what other people say about me but when I get feeling bad it's just a downward spiral. I really need a cup of cheer, or some more tangible equivalent. Or maybe just someone to talk to on a regular basis. I haven't had that for a few years, I think it's taking a toll on my sanity.
Ugh, I don't think this really helped, especially the whole "pointing out flaws in myself" thing. That never makes me feel great about myself.
Well, that's enough of that, I'll just bottle it all up and eventually pour it out on some unsuspecting person....well, after a lot of building of trust and establishing deep friendships. I don't tell people things readily, s'not in my nature.
Later,
~Cam.
